its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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