I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
