I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize