hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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