i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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