It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
