I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
