I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
