Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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