garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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