I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
