so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
