We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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