ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
