so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
