I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
