i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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