We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
