Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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