mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
