She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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