she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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