i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
