my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
