so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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