Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
