If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
