it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
