No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
