that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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