so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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