Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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