chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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