Soap is not a condiment
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize