Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Say something about gay babies.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone came in the potted fern
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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