Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
