why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
