Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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