My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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