I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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