theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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