and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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