You smell like a Billy Joel song
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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