Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
