I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
