my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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