and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize