I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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