"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
