Define "chronic" masturbator.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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