Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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