i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
