I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
