It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
