you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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