OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
