Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
