cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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