pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
