Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
