boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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