my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
