the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
