i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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