Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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