I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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